Always learning...

A recent attendance to our annual fall men's retreat yielded another lesson that stretches to other areas of my life.  The speaker, Dave Garda of Cadre Ministries, took us to Colossians 3:17-24.  In the teaching of this passage he also shared the common technique used by the Apostle Paul and others called the "Sandwich Construct."  Dave likes Oreos so he renamed it the "Oreo Construct."  He explained that the "Oreo Construct" is starting with that top chocolate layer and then proceeding to the cream layer and then ending with that similar bottom chocolate layer.  Colossians 3:17 starts with the top chocolate layer, which reads,

"And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."

This is the overarching right answer.  But what is the "whatever you do?"  How would you define this?  Can you give us some examples?  Therefore we move to the cream layer which is verses 18 through 22, which read,

"Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.  Husbands, love your wives and don't be bitter toward them.  Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.  Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they won't become discouraged.  Slaves, obey your human masters in everything.  Don't work only while being watched, as people-pleasers, but work whole-heartedly, fearing the Lord."

The Apostle Paul gives us examples by offering us what this looks like for different groups of people:  wives, husbands, children, fathers, and slaves.  Each of these areas have challenges to keep that overarching right answer adhered to.  Then the Apostle Paul ends with the bottom chocolate layer in verses 23 and 24, which read,

"Whatever you do, do it from the heart, as something done for the Lord and not for people, knowing that you will receive the reward of an inheritance from the Lord.  You serve the Lord Christ."

He restates what was in verse 17.  It is very similar with the same phrase, "whatever you do."  It offers a little more encouragement and instruction as the thought comes to a close.  This is a classic example of the "Sandwich Construct" or Dave's version of the "Oreo Construct."  

As I saw this drawn out, I thought to myself how this could be used to describe how we should talk to one another and especially when we need to communicate about a tough subject.  I could see how I abide by this when I really stop to think of how I am going to communicate and how I don't abide when I just "let it fly."  Here is my practical application of the "Oreo Construct" when it comes to tough but needed conversations. 

Start with that top chocolate layer establishing your gratefulness for the other person.  Reinforce the relationship you have established if this is the case.  Give a general comment about the good that you see.

Move onto the cream layer and present what the need is.  The cream is soft and sweet so make sure to present even the toughest subjects with gentleness and respect as the Scriptures instruct us.  

End with that bottom chocolate layer speaking again of your gratefulness for the other.  Re-establish the unity even though a tough subject might have been broached.  Allow that other person to see that you are not just there to "speak your mind" but to "lend a hand."

As I said, there are times I have followed this pattern and if there is going to be any real progress, this is the way to go.  But there are also times that I have ripped off that top chocolate layer and thrown it away to get straight to the cream and then thrown the bottom layer away too.  I come into the conversation with no gratefulness or support of the relationship that has been formed and leave the conversation with a definite untreated wound exposed with no first aid from me.  

How about you?  How do you treat those tough conversations that are needed?  Just some thoughts from sitting in a chair with a bunch of guys at the annual fall men's retreat.

Adam