Some reading on criticism, giving and receiving...

I came across an article on criticism this last week that had one line in it that led me to search out some more instruction on this activity that can go very right or very wrong.  You can even think it went well but find out later a different story is being conveyed about your venture into constructive criticism (or that's what you thought it was).

I can't find the source of this first article even though I printed it off.  It is titled "Accepting Criticism" by Chuck G and that's all I have.  I want to give you some quotes from this document.

"Criticism is one of the sharpest tools God uses in modeling us into humble and effective servants of his.  How we handle the negative feedback of others can affect our character growth and our credibility.  In fact, it can also affect how others follow our leadership."

So the first sentence gives us the flip that criticism can be used by God for His glory.  It can be used to sharpen us in being more Christ-like toward what is being pointed out and also be used by God in how we respond or how we handle the situation of receiving criticism.  Here is another quote from the article.

"At the core of receiving criticism is the desire to gain knowledge about oneself and one's decisions rather than the attempt to 'gloss inadequacies.'  Rarely is criticism given in the 'right way,' but as another great leader (my mother, I think it was) used to say, 'In every criticism, there is a kernel of truth.'  The key is to look past the 'offense' of the criticism, which is really a reaction of our pride, and look for the beneficial medicine that is contained therein."

This is hard.  The line that caught my eye in this article was, "rarely is criticism given in the right way" and because it isn't, we tend to get caught up in the way it was said and miss what was said.  Being a counselor at times for married couples in crisis, I was really just the third set of ears to hear without emotion what was being said even if it was said wrongly.  I would end up saying what was said and hopefully in a better way to be heard by the other.  More on this thought a little later but onto another quote.

"If it is true that leaders are to be learners, then negative feedback (to put it another way) is a necessary source of information that we need to consider carefully.  The reality of the matter is  that we cannot grow unless we can see ourselves objectively.  We cannot see ourselves objectively unless we have accurate feedback.  We cannot hear the accurate feedback if we are insecure or defensive about ourselves."

Criticism, at times, is necessary for the leader to hear.  Criticism is feedback that can be used to help us grow.  Using criticism to our benefit takes work on the hearer to not let the sin of pride overtake what could come from this information.  Let me give you one last quote from this article.

"The leader who weighs the criticism carefully without being personally offended has the opportunity to add truth to his working knowledge of himself and his leadership.  That just seems to be the wise thing for a leader to do."

So this is the challenge, how do I weigh criticism carefully without being personally offended?  It takes me back to the line about criticism not being given in the right way.  How do we give criticism that brings glory to God?  How do we receive criticism that brings glory to God?  This sent me digging to another article and this one I can give full disclosure to.  The title is "Giving and Receiving Godly Criticism:  Sharpening Each Other With Your Words" by Garrett Kell.  You can find the full article here:  https://www.9marks.org/article/giving-and-receiving-godly-criticism-sharpening-each-other-with-your-words/

I want to give you just the points Garrett gives on both side of the equation.  First, how do I give Godly criticism so I give it the right way?  

1.  The goal is growth.
2.  Criticize humbly.
3.  Give encouragement with your critique.
4.  Be thoughtful.
5.  Be clear.
6.  Be gentle.
7.  Be patient.
8.  Be prayerful.

Secondly, how do I receive Godly criticism so it can be used for His glory?

1.  Be hungry to grow.
2.  Assume you need to be corrected.
3.  Don't be easily offended.
4.  Ask clarifying questions.
5.  Assume there is at least some truth in what others say to you.
6.  Keep the church in view.
7.  Do it for God's glory.

I can tell you that there I times I think I did this right and there are times I know that I have done this wrong on both sides of the criticism.  These lists are a challenge and I encourage you to read the rest of the article that puts some meat on each point.  

Let me end this blog post with one point from each list.  From the first list, when I am the one bringing the issue up, how much have I prayed about this conversation?  From the second list, when I am the one receiving the criticism, how will I hold back my first reaction to defend myself so I can hear the full explanation?  Criticism is a part of the leader's life and how the leader responds displays what kind of leader he or she is.

Adam